I had my first taste of pumpkin pie yesterday. Gluten free, refined sugar free and very yummy. This was made by the mother of a child I’m working with. I admire her efforts to make Halloween a treat for her two boys, who are still anxious about where they will be living next. She had a box full of decorations out, pumpkins carved and it reminded me of my journey as a single mother doing the best for my child to ‘enjoy her childhood’.
The things is as I watched her race around after her children with high needs, battling for stable housing, doing housework, paperwork and then preparing for Halloween with homemade pie on top I said ‘stop’!
I understand her need to make everything perfect. To get everything right before she sits down and has a cup of tea (and then immediately jump up again with a demand form a child or phone call from the lawyer). I see her stress. I feel it. My intuition is keen enough that I’m able to step outside the drama and understand what’s happening at an energetic level. I also know on a practical level, as it reminded me of myself in the past.
I told her to stop, sit down, delegate. I reiterated to her that she mustn’t keep putting herself last. She’s wearing herself out. Her health is suffering. The boys are picking up on it all. Rather than being selfish taking time out for you right here, right now helps those around you. Putting yourself last on the list only lasts so long. It’s untenable.
So here’s a reminder to factor in your needs everyday. Your needs are top priority. Learn to delegate (if someone else can do it ask them to do it, even if you’ve decided it’s quicker and easier to do it yourself). If you’re a single parent stop trying to be both. Allow yourself to be the best one parent possible. You cannot make up for the missing parent so stop trying.
Right now check in with yourself. Breathe a long deep breath out and relax. That to do list-does it include anything for you on it? Bump it up to the top now. Book that massage, go for that walk, call that person who can help and ask.
Please stop trying to do it all on your own. I created chronic fatigue from doing that for years. Don’t even cook the pie from scratch. Get that shop bought pie and a cup of tea and enjoy 10 minutes as you sit and eat, drink and stare in to space. Just allow yourself to daydream. No screens! What will it take to slow down?
What are your secrets to scheduling in you time to a busy life?